I don't get it

It's been over a year since I have blogged. Yes, I think only 10 people will read this, and yes, I may lose three friends in the process (or at least several who think I have jumped off the deep-end); however, seeing as I have been writing this in my head for the past month, I figure it is about time to put in down onto paper--uh, I mean a computer screen.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand why so many people want to force religious organizations into violating their core values. Yes, I am speaking about the HHS mandate about birth control. I should probably preface this by acknowledging that I am in favor of government health insurance (which would actually end at least the religious intolerance debate on the issue). But that being said, here are my reasons in no particular order as to why I believe the issue is seemingly ignorant of both women's health and the religious freedom that founded our nation.

1. We get a choice where we work, go to school, visit our doctor, etc. It's a choice to utilize a religious institution. I'll let you in on a secret--if you don't like a religious one, secular places exist too.

When I began attending my Catholic college I signed the student handbook. By doing so I agreed to the policies outlined in it and to live in a community that upholds the tenants of the faith upon which the college was founded. Guess what? I specifically wanted to go to a Catholic college for that very reason--because I knew that there wouldn't be condoms being shoved at me, because I knew that co-ed sleepovers were a no-no (random shout out to SM for hosting my husband overnight), because I wanted to be surrounded by people who acted in similar ways. Did everyone agree to these same ideologies? Of course not! However I am appalled by the number of my peers who are condemning our college for living out it's faith-filled tradition. You want birth control prescribed in the health center, go to a state school.

The same holds true for where we work.  We do not live in country where you are dictated what you will do in life (yes, those places still exist in the world today).  Instead, you decide what you will do and where you will do it.  Having worked at three different religious organizations and now a governmental one, I am well aware of the hiring process.  Each time, I was hired, I was told the ideologies of the companies upfront.  And each place had them (the Commonwealth of VA does not allow you to have a second job without written permission from HR), and I choose to follow them.  I am pretty certain that any reasonable religious organization does not hide the fact that it expects you to live within the realm of its principles--at least the three where I worked were pretty forthcoming.

So it upsets me when people are saying that the Church is preventing women from living life as they'd like to.  How is that a valid argument?  Seeing that the choice was up to the women where to work/go to school/etc. in the first place, didn't they chose not to live life as they wished?  If you don't like it, no one is stopping you from finding a new job or transferring.

2.  So what if the cost is shifted onto the health insurance rather than religious organization in the legislation; the employee/employers will be given a pretty hefty price hike in the coming years, I am sure.   I seriously hope I am proven wrong.  But my insurance rates have increased every year I have been working--and that's without this written into the bill.

I would also like to point out (again, having worked for three religious organizations) I have never heard of medical, non-contraceptive uses of the pill ever been denied coverage.  A co-pay attached?  Sure!  But don't diabetes medicines have co-pays? I paid $25 last month to fight off my bronchitis.   Although then you are probably thinking, bronchitis and diabetes medicines are not preventative, so onward to #3.

3.  Since when is pregnancy a disease?  If you ask any mother, I am pretty sure they will tell you that they didn't "catch" pregnancy; rather, they became pregnant.  It's not a disease that can be cured.  Oddly enough, it's actually a pretty natural occurrence that has happened even before humankind existed.  That's right--even Darwinians would have agree that pregnancy is not a disease, but a way of establishing new life from a small cell to a fully developed human being.  It's natural process of life.

I guess then falling into the disease categories would be aging, farting, and any other natural body function that may be considered an inconvenience.  I am in just the beginning stages of needing anti-aging cream.  That should be preventative medicine covered without a copay, don't you agree?

Or, how about my gym membership?  Seriously, the surgeon general and the first lady are both constantly telling us to be active.  I would love to be, but I can't afford the $100 a month for a gym with childcare.  Exercise truly is preventative medicine; studies show that it reduces stress, heart disease, diabetes, provides lower rates of cancer.  My PCP and I have had long discussions about how great it is.  Discussions don't pay membership fees.

But sterilization?  I'm sorry, that is not preventative unless pregnancy is a disease.  Which other living beings on the planet don't want to reproduce?  I'm sure if you asked the do-do bird if expanding its population was a bad thing, it would have thought you were crazy.

4.  Regardless of your stance on what should/should not be covered and by whom, this act is an attack on religious freedom.  I am fascinated by the Amish.  I mean really fascinated.  For over 300 years, only slight changes have been made to the way the community operates.  If you insert health care in place of education (and the federal government in place of Wisconsin) in the Wisconsin v. Yoder Supreme Court case, I think you can understand what I mean:

It follows that, in order for Wisconsin to compel school attendance beyond the eighth grade against a claim that such attendance interferes with the practice of a legitimate religious belief, it must appear either that the State does not deny the free exercise of religious belief by its requirement or that there is a state interest of sufficient magnitude to override the interest claiming protection under the Free Exercise Clause. Long before there was general acknowledgment of the need for universal formal education, the Religion Clauses had specifically and firmly fixed the right to free exercise of religious beliefs, and buttressing this fundamental right was an equally firm, even if less explicit, prohibition against the establishment of any religion by government. The values underlying these two provisions relating to religion have been zealously protected, sometimes even at the expense of other interests of admittedly high social importance....

The essence of all that has been said and written on the subject is that only those interests of the highest order and those not otherwise served can overbalance legitimate claims to the free exercise of religion. We can accept it as settled, therefore, that, however strong the State's interest in universal compulsory education, it is by no means absolute to the exclusion or subordination of all other interests. (Burger for Wisconsin v. Yoder).

Maybe it's because I work in education, but I believe that education and health care are equals on the importance spectrum.  And just like this landmark case, religious institutions are not asking for a complete removal from the health care requirements, only the ones that lie in direct contrast with their beliefs.

5.  A large majority of Catholic women use birth control.  So what?  A quick survey around my college and the vast majority of college students have drank underage.  Neither of these surveys get to whether it's right or wrong.  Many Catholic women take birth control not knowing that it is even against the church's teachings.  And if even they did, people break the rules all the time, yet it doesn't mean rules shouldn't exist.  People violate their own values all the time (think about the last time you hurt someone you cared about because you were angry or frustrated); it doesn't mean that you don't value them overall.

I hope it goes without saying that most religious organizations have been pro-life for.. well, forever.  God created man and woman in his likeness.  If that is held as a universal truth then by ending life or preventing life (as is the case of sterilization) you are preventing the possibility of God coming into your world.  Basically the federal government is requiring these religious organizations to acknowledge that their followers do not need to be open to God.  (That's right; while the institution doesn't have to pay for it, the insurance company must then reach out and allow the employee know that sterilization is available completely free.)

6.  I am a woman--let me be what a man cannot be.  Eleanor Holmes Norton was right.  It was disgusting that it was only men testifying that day.

I am a woman, and I can do something no man can do--give birth to a child.  Why is only the sterilization of women covered in this act?  Men can have operations too.  Why is it that women's movement has been taking us as a nation in the past few years away from being women?  Women are capable of so much, and yet it is suggested to us that we should stop the one thing that keeps us different from men, hosting a child in our bodies.  Yes, we are as strong as men (and I would argue stronger emotionally).  So why have women been persuading into thinking motherhood is not valuable?  I don't know about you, but my mother and grandmother have always been the most valuable women in my life.  They have taught me that I can achieve greatness, and being a mother myself is my tribute back to them.  Why would I want to prevent that?

Yet, we are one of the only first world countries that does not take care of new moms.  My international students thought I was crazy for coming back to work after 12 weeks with my newborn.  It was all I was allowed before I could lose my job.  Oh, and only one week was completely paid.  So, let's cover sterilization and have new mom's stress about money.  Yes, I can see how valuable women are right now.

After three hour of writing next to my sick toddler, I think this is all I have for now.  There are several other arguments to be made.  I'm just tired of defending what I believe to be an attack on my religion and my gender.

Toddler Time

After suffering through a heart-wrenching loss on Saturday, I needed a pick-me-up for this long weekend. (For those of you who have no idea why I am in mourning, let's just say I will be cheering on the Jets next weekend.)  The Husband told me that at least we won free dinner, but that is no solace for a true football fan.  (He also bet against my team--and for his--to win the dinner.)  So, for the second-half of the long weekend, I made a conscious effort to focus on activities for the baby to make up for the confusing flurry of cheers and screams on Saturday. 

Sunday, we took a road trip to Winchester.  I forgot how pretty the scenery is on 66.  We left right after church, hoping that Baby Girl would sleep on the way out there.  No such luck!  When we were about 15 minutes away, she finally was tired enough to sleep.  We drove around the historic area for 10 minutes to give her some more rest before we woke her up.  We were also searching for an elusive "white house" where my in-laws got married by the justice of the peace.  Winchester was the first location from Pittsburgh where inter-racial couples could get married in 1968.  This location blows my mind since we learned that most restaurants still are closed on Sundays from leftover blue laws.  We ended up eating at Old Towne Cafe which had an upscale cuisine for reasonable (at least in our Washingtonian opinions) prices.  I had a grown-up grilled cheese snadwich and tomato soup, and husband ate bratwurst and got a too-die-for hazelnut torte. 

But the real reason we went to Winchester was for the Shenandoah Valley Discovery Museum.  Baby Girl had a blast playing with many of the machines.  There were definitely areas that were too old for her, and compared to Port Discovery or the children's museum in Portsmouth, it was tiny; nevertheless, she had a blast sending balls down homemade "rollercoasters," discovering animals and food in the Native American room, sitting in the apple truck behind the steering wheel, climbing in honeycombs, and playing with magnets.  At just about two hours, the lack of nap was clearly hitting, and she began to have a meltdown.  We figured this would be perfect timing to head back in the car, give her a bottle, and enjoy a ride home with a napping baby. She, however, did not think a nap was warranted, and instead sang to us the entire way home.

On Monday, we decided to try to tire her out again.  We got up normal time (for those of you without kids, that's about anytime before 7 a.m.) and had a leisurely breakfast.  We headed out to the Mount Vernon Rec Center's pool.  There is an indoor "beach" area there.  It's a wading pool with zero-entry, water spouts, and a tower of buckets which fill and drops water.  Husband said he was thinking back to "You Can't Do That on Television" and had said "water." 

The last time Baby Girl was able to go in a pool, she had just mastered crawling.  She was so excited to be able to walk in the water.  There were only two other toddlers and four preschoolers there.  It gave her plenty of room to walk.  However, she was very upset if anyone touched the ball she had played with.  Apparently sharing is not in her growing vocabulary.  After about 75 minutes, her lips started turning blue, despite the fact the pool was heated.  We dried off, when she confirmed that she had been a"good, good, girl," and headed home.  Of course, she feel asleep in the 15 minute car ride home today!

Thanks to the long weekend, I can check one thing off my resolution list.

A new year

I have always loved the new year.  Growing up, I actually got to celebrate two new years.  The new year that mattered the most came in August when we'd go back to school.  I'd vow to get focused, take neater notes, do all of my homework before homeroom.  Sometimes years went well; some did not.

The thing about working at a college is I actually still get two new years each year.  One I celebrate with people around the world in January and one with all the students in August. 

After having 11 days off over the holidays, I came back to work last week fairly rested, but in no mood to make any changes to what was an established routine.  The reason?  Classes do not begin for another week.  So in my procrastinator's head, if classes didn't start, then why change?  Things will settle down more this week.  I begin teaching again, which means that the routine will change again.  So today is the real beginning in my mind.  Christmas decorations went down over the weekend (although we still have to change out the dishes tonight), so there should be nothing to stop us from getting a handle on this thing called life.

So what is my new year's resolution for 2011?  Actually there are a lot.  And I decided to share them since actually writing your goals down makes them more achievable.  One thing you may notice is most of my goals involve my husband agreeing.  This year when I asked what his resolution was he said, "Oh, I don't really know.  Lose weight, maybe."  I took it upon myself to let him know how he would be involved in mine and after a few minutes of thinking, he agreed.  So here they are:

1.  Understand our finances.  While husband was out of steady work for seven months in 2009, we somehow managed to get out of debt (minus the car and mortage) and still save well.  I don't think either of us have yet to figure out how we did that.  I'd like to learn what works best and how much we need to save to...

2. Buy a house.  We have really outgrown our condo and with interest rates being low, we would both like to find a place where our daughter can play in a yard.  As you can imagine, yards are lacking on the third floor of a walk-up.  Plus we'd both like to stop carrying groceries up the stairs in three trips, timing out laundry, and buying parking permits for our family and friends to come and visit us.  But to do that, we need to....

3. Finish up our home improvements.  There is a list of a dozen fairly large projects that need to be done before the condo is market-ready.  And since I can't find an application for Designed to Sell, we'll take any help you'd like to offer.

4.  Make a menu for the week in advanced.  I really need to get organized in the kitchen.  Now that I have to feed Toddler, making sure we do not order out three times a week is rather important.  We are rather fortunate that she does love Thai and Lebanese food, but a healthy American dinner will also help us with resolution #1.

5.  Reinstate date night once a month.  I never thought I'd be one of "those moms" whose life seemed to circle around the baby.  But over the year, I was.  I do attribute most of it to breastfeeding for 363 days.  (It was nice of the baby to self-wean right before her one year birthday, even if I wasn't ready for it.)  But apparently she was.  And since I am no longer needing to be attached, literally, at bedtime, I think it's time for the hubby and I to go out and be adults again. 

6. Have one Toddler Day a month.  I figured since hubby and I are going to go out without, we should plan one weekend day a month that is all about Baby Girl.  I'm thinking about things like a trip to the zoo, building a tent in the living without paying attention to the mess, open play time at a toddler gym.  Just enough that it is out of the ordinary, will allow her to burn off some energy, and give me some time not to think about running errands or grading papers.

7.  Scrapbook an average of one page a week.  That should put me at 52 pages at the end of the year, which may just complete my 2008 album that I am still working on.  I started with thinking that I should try for two a week, but my goal setting instinct took over and decided that it needed to be achievable.  And since I only did about eight pages in 2009, I figure 52 is almost six times more than last year.

8.  Read a novel a month.  You would think that teaching English would make me read more like a novel a day, but between being a mommy, wife, working full-time, grading papers, and being a tv junkie, it just didn't happen last year.  And since I am teaching a course I haven't taught before, I'll need even more prep time and to reread with the students.

9. And the traditional: lose weight. 

So it's three weeks into the new year and what have I done?  I am 42 pages into House Rules, so I have a long way to go.

What are your goals for this year?

It's the Thought that Counts, Isn't It?

Presents...we go all over creation to pick the best present for a wedding or new baby (or just run to CVS for a gift card).  I am known for creating themed presents.  I never can tell if the receiver really likes them or not.  Well, no one has complained yet... 

So what were the best presents I've received?  For my wedding, it was anything off the registry (for the most part).  We were trying to establish a cohesive look to our home.  The towels, bedding, kitchen stuff, etc. that we picked out matched.  That's why we picked it.  Yes, that vase was beautiful, but the one on the registry was the same pattern as the china; that's why we put it there!  I am a fan of combining one or two registry items with some unique other items that I find helpful or whimiscal (depending on the couple) for wedding gifts.  I will also ask the bride or groom what they haven't received yet.  That gives me a great idea of what things they really want. 

Now, you'll notice I said "for the most part."  Those people who knew me...really knew me...got me things that I adored and were not on the registry--Longenberger baskets for example.  My grandmother gave me a basket full of cleaning supplies (she wanted the shower to be a cleaning shower, but my aunts had already planned a recipe shower--long story).  But, it was the most practical gift I got.  I never thought to register for a broom--but you need one.  And the other off-the-registry gift I loved was from one of my mom's best friends.  It's a family tree book to record our memories and histories.  It's been six years and we've only filled out a few pages, but it definitely was a treasured gift. 

Of course, money and gift cards were great too.  My mom actually gave an older bride and groom a gift card to a bed and breakfast of their choice.  I would have loved that as a younger bride too.  But the gift cards should be somewhere you know the couple will frequent or would be a dream splurge for them.  And, of course, cash is always welcome.  But be wary of people like me who forget to cash checks. 

Babies, too, receive gift cards.  And for them, any place that sells clothes or diapers is good.  But to be honest, what everyone loves to buy babies is clothes.  There is something about miniature size pants and shirts that no one can resist.  Even my husband goes into the baby clothes section willingly. While girls will definitely receive more clothes than baby boys (who can resist pink ruffles on the bum), each child will have a semi-finished waredrobe for his/her first year of life.  I thought I would avoid the plethora of sleepers and outfits but not knowing the baby's sex, but even we received a ton of gender neutral clothes.  And within a month of her being born, we went from yellows, greens, whites, and browns, to mostly pink.  (Think twice about announcing you are having a girl, unless you love the color pink...)

Of course, the next question is "what size to buy."  Now, experienced moms will tell you to buy big.  But if you go larger than 0-3 months, make sure to take the season in account.  Fleece PJs in the middle of July are not going to be very helpful unless you live in Alaska.  Actually, very few people bought us newborn size clothes.  So few, in fact, that we actually had to go shopping for clothes when the baby I thought would be 8 lbs. turned out to be 6.8.  She's 7 weeks old this week and we are still in the newborn clothes!  (Just this weekend, we've started introducing the 0-3s.)

Also, for either weddings or baby showers, don't discount going as a group for a larger present.  I know many couples that would appreciate a vacuum cleaner or stoller much more than the a set of handtowels or bibs.

But as any gift receiver will tell you, no matter what you buy, please give a gift receipt!  It's rather depressing when you go to exchange or return something only to find out (as I did recently) that what the giver paid $9 for, will only be able to be returned for $1.84.  So I forked over the money, just to get the larger size...don't do that to your loved ones. 

So...what were the best gifts that you received or have given?

Seasons of Love...and Babies

There's an old saying that you see everyone at three times in your life: when you are born, when you get married, and when you die.  Well, for Ken and me, we are seeing our friends and family regularly (and luckily, not because of any deaths).

In 2008, I attended six weddings. It began to be a bit humorous: two in May, two in August, and two in November. In 2009, we only went to one wedding and we have three on our calendar for 2010. (Of course, that could change if my cousin's boyfriend finally decides to propose to her--hint, hint, Chris.)


So for some reason, I thought life was quieting down for a bit. Instead we've hit a baby boom. Three of us gave birth in 2009 and scheduled for 2010 (so far) babies in February, April, May, and June (3 of them)...and these are just my dear friends. You can add another six to "before June" list if you count my extended friends. It seems that everyone is having a baby. Now I know you notice things more when they happen to you, but really, how many of you have or will go to six baby showers in four months?  But keep reading, in case you are...

I am going to dedicate the next few entries to weddings and babies--from things I've learned to things I wish I'd done as a guest, hostess, bride, and mommy-to-be. 
 
To begin with...showers!  Every woman has her own opinion of showers. 
 
First thing--surprises are fun, but knowing about them is so much better!  I've had both surprise (two bridal, one baby) and planned (one bridal, three baby) showers.  For my best friend's wedding, she had four showers and all but one were supposed to be a surprise.  Well, she really didn't figure out the first one until the last minute, but she figured out the rest.  And so she had to play along and we all had to play along and it might have just been easier to come clean.  I would highly recommend that baby showers, especially, be planned.  All this playing is easier when you are not pregnant.  Once you start growing a person, there are days you just feel ugly and have no clothes to wear; that is not the mommy-to-be that you want to show up.  All the details can be a surprise.
 
Why didn't or did I get invited?  The latter, of course, is easy to deal with--just RSVP "no."  But who knows why you were included or left off the list.  For some people showers are ways to beg for gifts; for others, it's more about celebrating at a special point in your life.  I just liked getting together the people who mean the most to me.  Almost all of my coworkers stopped by the work shower; and while the presents were nice, being able to talk about non-work was much better. 
 
Should guys be invited?  I would love to say that it's 2010 and that men should be eager to go to a shower.  But in reality, it really depends on the guy.  My best friend's husband wanted a Jack-and-Jill wedding shower.  Husband could have cared less.  And our friend M would probably die if he had to show up to a shower before his duty of loading up the cars.  All I can say is be ready for anything if you do a co-ed shower.  Make sure that there is food to keep the guys happy (tea sandwiches generally don't cut it).  And be ready for both guys who can't wait to play cheesy games (my husband) and guys who would rather watch tv (my brother).
 
That's enough info for now, I think.  Let me know your opinions about showers.  The next post will be on presents...and there's so much to say there...

Finally...

So I finally have some time to write. The baby and the dog are both napping, and my husband is out learning about the National Cathedral so he can give official tours. I have even turned off the television, and if I get some more time, I may even finally read a novel rather than a parenting book or instruction manual.

Everyone always says that motherhood changes you. I don't know if I really believe it yet. Baby girl is six weeks old and while my life is different, I don't know that I am any different. I mean, sure, I can no longer just jump out the door in two minutes to run to Target, but I am still frequently going out (with and without her). I've noticed that Husband drives differently with Baby in the car (which is absolutely wonderful), but even with the newborn, he is constantly on Twitter and Facebook. We've spent almost every evening playing board games, something we've always done. Only now a 45-minute game has become an hour and 15 minutes as we are interrupted by feeding and diaper changes. And when I received a party invitation for 10:30 p.m. I knew we wouldn't be able to make it; however, I think the last time I started an evening at 10:30, I was in college.

Speaking of college, I must say that I really enjoy not having to work. I don't think I could ever be a stay-at-home mom; I just don't have the patience to be around children (even my own) for that long. I have no idea how my mom managed my brother and me on the weekends and evenings and a classroom full of elementary school kids during the day. Still, when Baby isn't crying, she is adorable. Everyone keeps telling us that she's a beautiful baby, and I have to agree. Although, she looks just like her father, so maybe that's why she is so gorgeous to me.

Really?

I love it on SNL's Weekend Update when Seth and Amy do a spot they call "Really?" So many times I think that I could write that sketch. Now granted, my versions would be less about celebrities. Although, recently I do believe that almost any of us could write a "Really?" bit for octo-mom's or Michael Jackson's doctors. "Really? You thought it was acceptable to allow this single mother of six who was using public assistance to use in virto to birth eight other children" or "Really? You thought it was a good idea to allow a famous pop musician to have a drug only used in a hospital setting, and then when he started to have complications, deny that you did anything medically wrong. Really?" I could probably keep going if I needed to.

Actually, I think my lawyer friend's clients would make for much better "Really?" lines, but she's getting them after they are already struggling with the law. My "Really?" takes place with an educated population. It's in college after all.

For example, last week a student came to campus to meet with an adviser. Now, when I went to meet with my adviser to pick out classes, ask questions about internships, or try to decide what I should write my thesis on, I would bring with me a pad of paper, my planner, and any research I had already done. This student didn't even bring a pen. Really? You thought it was a good idea to go and get advise about what classes to take but not to bring something to write down the advise. Did you really plan to remember the difference between CST 110 and CST 100 on your own?

And, to be honest, this not the only time this request has happened. Repeatedly students are asking to borrow my pens. Now, I completely understand if theirs ran out of ink, but the first thing students need to do when they go to college is take notes. Really! You will get a higher grade if you come to class prepared to write down what the instructor says.

So then I have the students who ask on the way out if s/he could keep my pen. Really? You can't find a pen anywhere else on the planet, so you need to keep mine. Really? Well, I am sorry to say that the state budget has been slashed so actually the College's supply budget has been greatly reduced, so no, you may not keep my $.15 Papermate pen. (Blue medium point Papermate pens are my favorite, although that had nothing to do with my decision.)

I am trying to actually find a tactful way to tell students that they cannot borrow my pens. So far, it hasn't come to me. I'm being selfish not so much because of the budget issue, but rather because of the swine flu issue. I don't know where the students' hands have been. I was never a germ-a-phob before, but since being pregnant makes me have higher complications if I do get the H1N1, I am really watching what I touch. There is a bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk. I am wondering if I should ask students to cleanse their hands before giving them my pens.

And then there are always some students who put my pens dangerously close to their mouths. Those are the ones that I don't want back. Ms. Maskell, my third grade teacher, broke everyone who chewed on pens or pencils of that habit. Don't other third grader teachers do that? Or how about fourth grade teachers? Or eighth grade? Or senior year teachers for that matter? My students are in college! I understand that it's a nervous habit, but I cannot imagine that little me is very intimidating while answering questions that the student was comfortable enough to ask. (I mean, my husband may have been scared to ask me to marry him, but I really am a pretty approachable person...at least I think I am.) Plus, these students have no qualms about asking for my pens in the first place, the most embarrassing of all the questions they are about it ask.

So, no, you may not borrow my pens.
Really?
Yes, really!