Really?

I love it on SNL's Weekend Update when Seth and Amy do a spot they call "Really?" So many times I think that I could write that sketch. Now granted, my versions would be less about celebrities. Although, recently I do believe that almost any of us could write a "Really?" bit for octo-mom's or Michael Jackson's doctors. "Really? You thought it was acceptable to allow this single mother of six who was using public assistance to use in virto to birth eight other children" or "Really? You thought it was a good idea to allow a famous pop musician to have a drug only used in a hospital setting, and then when he started to have complications, deny that you did anything medically wrong. Really?" I could probably keep going if I needed to.

Actually, I think my lawyer friend's clients would make for much better "Really?" lines, but she's getting them after they are already struggling with the law. My "Really?" takes place with an educated population. It's in college after all.

For example, last week a student came to campus to meet with an adviser. Now, when I went to meet with my adviser to pick out classes, ask questions about internships, or try to decide what I should write my thesis on, I would bring with me a pad of paper, my planner, and any research I had already done. This student didn't even bring a pen. Really? You thought it was a good idea to go and get advise about what classes to take but not to bring something to write down the advise. Did you really plan to remember the difference between CST 110 and CST 100 on your own?

And, to be honest, this not the only time this request has happened. Repeatedly students are asking to borrow my pens. Now, I completely understand if theirs ran out of ink, but the first thing students need to do when they go to college is take notes. Really! You will get a higher grade if you come to class prepared to write down what the instructor says.

So then I have the students who ask on the way out if s/he could keep my pen. Really? You can't find a pen anywhere else on the planet, so you need to keep mine. Really? Well, I am sorry to say that the state budget has been slashed so actually the College's supply budget has been greatly reduced, so no, you may not keep my $.15 Papermate pen. (Blue medium point Papermate pens are my favorite, although that had nothing to do with my decision.)

I am trying to actually find a tactful way to tell students that they cannot borrow my pens. So far, it hasn't come to me. I'm being selfish not so much because of the budget issue, but rather because of the swine flu issue. I don't know where the students' hands have been. I was never a germ-a-phob before, but since being pregnant makes me have higher complications if I do get the H1N1, I am really watching what I touch. There is a bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk. I am wondering if I should ask students to cleanse their hands before giving them my pens.

And then there are always some students who put my pens dangerously close to their mouths. Those are the ones that I don't want back. Ms. Maskell, my third grade teacher, broke everyone who chewed on pens or pencils of that habit. Don't other third grader teachers do that? Or how about fourth grade teachers? Or eighth grade? Or senior year teachers for that matter? My students are in college! I understand that it's a nervous habit, but I cannot imagine that little me is very intimidating while answering questions that the student was comfortable enough to ask. (I mean, my husband may have been scared to ask me to marry him, but I really am a pretty approachable person...at least I think I am.) Plus, these students have no qualms about asking for my pens in the first place, the most embarrassing of all the questions they are about it ask.

So, no, you may not borrow my pens.
Really?
Yes, really!